Why I'm Renouncing Wellness...
...and Embracing Joy
You may think the two aren’t mutually exclusive. I didn’t either until about six months ago when I realized that my search for wellness was making me sick. Despite the acupuncture appointments, cleanses, herbs, supplements, reprogramming work, and ritual baths, I’d never been more defeated, discouraged, anxious, sad, and lost in my life.
I didn’t fully grasp what was going on until I had dinner with my friend Zoie who, whilst explaining the character of Harry Potter to me (lol), said, “You were born magical and then your whole life was a lie.”
Dramtic, but: This. was. IT!!!!
While I had been distracting myself with ideas and thoughts of how to be the most well, I had missed the entire fucking point. Sure, maybe I was well-acupunctured and like more aware of my problems than ever before, but I sure as fuck didn’t feel good. On the contrary, I just felt defeated and confused all of the time because I couldn’t keep track of whose idea of wellness I was trying to live up to today. In chasing some ideal of “wellness” or “spirituality,” I’d become more critical of myself and less and less in tune with my intuition aka MY MAGIC CENTER!!!! Self-inquiry is critical to growth, obvi, but when was enough enough??
For me, enough was enough when self-improvement become self-betrayal. Slowly but certainly, this quest for the achievement of "wellness" was eclipsing the ultimate quest: the search for my dharma, my truth, my calling. As my lord and savior Oprah once said, “Everybody has a calling. And your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you were meant to be and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for yourself.” Ugh, Opes you get me!!!
I couldn't help but wonder: How could I possibly imagine who I was meant to be WITHOUT my magic by my side?
First step? Say fuck it and stop participating in the wellness world altogether: I stopped seeing any practitioners, I stopped looking for or asking for any advice, I stopped looking at all of my ritual bath recipe full moon mantra modern woman’s woo woo e-mails and Instagrams, and most importantly? I stopped trying so hard to be “well.”
My job became simple: do everything to find my magic and do it on purpose. It became quickly clear that the things that made me feel magical = the things that made me smile. I danced, I played, I made weird stuff with glitter, I watched romcoms in the middle of the day and public access TV on weekends, I went to nurseries and hardware stores just to look at funny gadgets. Like a two year old, I got in touch with ONLY feelings, no thoughts. I felt my way into things that brought me joy, I retrained my intuition to pick up on these signals, and I dove headfirst into living a life from the heart. I asked my energy what was right for me, I sought out the things I was naturally curious about, and I always always ALWAYS did the things that made me smile.
And lemme just tell you, this shit BUMPS. It’s like I was trapped in a room, all the lights were off, and in my panic I couldn’t find the light switch. For like three fucking years!!! And then, I finally something in me was like, ‘ugh fuck it maybe I should try to rest.’ And LOW AND BEHOLD, I bumped into the lightswtich on my way down. Everything got brighter because FINALLY I had trusted my intuition, I had finally returned to my magic.
Just the choice to return to my magic took me from sad, submissive, and confused to joyful, optimistic, and empowered. Turns out? I don't even want to be well. I want to be joy. As soon as I remembered the gift was there all along, all my other shit burned off like an early-morning fog. THIS was the day I had been hoping for. THIS was the clear sky I knew had been there underneath the clouds.
As I come into my magic, I see clearly that the next step on my path – the thing bringing me the most joy – is to be a part of YOUR path towards your own magic! And that's what the new Gooey Girl is all about. It's about encouraging and supporting you as you figure out what your magic is and how you can do it on purpose. And if you're already BFFs with your magic, I want to know more about it and help you continue cultivating it so that you, too, can lead a life from your heart.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
- Where are you on the path to your magic?
- Do you need help finding her or are you two strolling hand in hand?
- If you're two peas in a pod, what's she like? What does she inspire you to do?
- And, if you’re having trouble locating her, what do you do that makes you smile? (hint: she’s probably hiding behind that thing. you know, the one you haven’t picked up in awhile)
Seriously, if you are reading this, it is because I want to connect with YOU. Comment below and feel free to forward this to a friend if you think they'd be down. You are my collective and working with you, uplifting you, being by your side as you find what makes you smile....well, that's my magic. Please help me practice it <3